Healing From the Inside Out

Sometimes You Gotta Be Like the Vulture (Glide with Vision)

2010-06-02T12:22:00.006-05:00

Last week, my sons and I arrived home from an errand and I happened to look up in the sky and observed a small bird dive-bombing a vulture. Over and over again, this small bird would peck at this vulture's back, chasing it farther and farther away. The vulture just glided beautifully like vultures do (hey, what they eat may be gross, but they are beautiful in the air) and slowly flew away.

At first I thought of myself as the small bird and I likened my children's special needs to the vulture--this really large problem that I have to dive-bomb over and over again and it only glides away but sometimes returns. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am more like the vulture. I'm on a life-path and sometimes, I go through a part of life where I get dive-bombed by a little bird (my children's challenges or my own health for example) and the best way to solve that problem is to soar, glide, and use my incredible vision to discover a new way to get to where I'm going.

And that's what life is. We're all seeking something, whether it be our next meal like the vulture, the truth, solutions for our children's challenges, happiness, security, etc. And we get dive-bombed along the way, but when that happens, take a minute to picture yourself as a beautiful bird soaring in the sunlit sky, using the superb vision that birds have, and finding a new path to what you seek. As long as you do this, you WILL be a success!

My name is Julie and I'm a Dr. Pepper-aholic

2010-06-01T13:09:00.004-05:00

Many years ago when I was a teenager, I remember a great aunt sticking her fingers in her ears and me asking what she was doing. It turns out she was doing self-acupuncture. Acupuncture can be used to help with addictions and the points for smoking are in your ears. Acupuncturists will put small needles in your ears and then you turn them on your own. And it worked for her, she's never smoked again and she's in her 80s now.

Since going "crunchy" as an old friend once described me, I have given up many foods I used to love, the most impactful and also the toughest being wheat. But I saw such a dramatic change in my health, that I just haven't gone back. My asthma went away almost entirely and my allergies, once very severe, dwindled to mild. I've given up traditional meats, only buying grass-fed or pastured. Most of the fruits and vegetables I eat are fresh and organic. I rarely eat anything out of a can.

But I have one food item I haven't been able to give up entirely no matter how many times I have tried. And that is a soda common in Texas called Dr. Pepper. It truly is an addiction for me. I KNOW how bad high-fructose corn-syrup and caffeine are. I know that when I don't drink it, I lose weight, my moods don't swing, and my allergies are decreased. When I do drink it, I am setting a bad example for my kids. But I know that when I'm stressed, that's what I want. I know that when I need a comfort food, that's what I want. When I get on the road (which is often since I live in a rural community), I want one.

I've been drinking it since my former stepfather came into my life when I was 9 and he drank it. 31 years I've been drinking it. So, I recently contacted a hypnotherapist recommended by a good friend. She said, "Maybe it's filling a need for something sweet in your life, or maybe it replaces something you needed back when you started drinking it." Hmmm, interesting concepts.

You know, I felt pretty silly contacting a hypnotherapist about a soda addiction. But it's no different than any other addiction. I can't stop even though I want to. No matter how long I go without it, if I drink just one, I start drinking them regularly again. If I get stressed out, I want one. Is this any different than cigarettes, alcohol or drugs? No, it's not.

What about you? Do you have a food addiction? Or maybe some other addiction? Have any tips for me? I'd love to hear them!

Excited about Special Education services?

2010-04-28T13:43:00.004-05:00

As I sit and sign the paperwork to get The Artist into Special Education services at school, I'm actually excited. That sounds weird....Who in their right mind wants their child in Special Ed.? I know it means help for him though. We are fortunate to be in a school district and school that truly cares about the individual needs of the students. I know in my heart as I sit here that my son is going to be a success in life. I know that I've done and will do everything in my power to give him all the opportunities he needs to succeed.

Just 3 years ago, I wasn't even sure I would be able to continue to raise him. The depression I suffered was so severe that I was having suicidal thoughts and thoughts (only thoughts, never acted on) of hurting my children. You may be thinking to yourself that you could never think that and I hope you're right, but I never in my worst nightmares imagined I would have those thoughts either. Or maybe you've been there like me and you know exactly what I'm talking about. I never, never had any intentions behind those thoughts, they just kept popping into my head. I think my brain was under so much stress that it was just trying to cope.

My depression was a culmination of many things. First and foremost was my un-resolved anger towards my mom. Strangely, growing up and as a young adult, I was never resentful of my mom. In fact, we were always close. But somewhere over the years, I began to resent her for my belief that she didn't protect me from abuse. I'm not sure when it started, but it built and built and it finally crescendoed and I was on the verge of losing my whole extended family or so I perceived. Along with that, I was suffering from post-partum depression, the sheer agony of having to give up breast feeding after only 4 months, a at-the-time undiagnosed 3 year old with Asperger's Syndrome and sensory issues, an infant with food issues so severe that a miniscule amount of offending food would set us down a path of pain and suffering, a move from one state to another, and probably many other minor things I'm not thinking of.

The depression was so dark, it really left me feeling hopeless. I remember rocking Mr. Gusto (my youngest son) as an infant, in his dark bedroom, crying and crying. I couldn't go out of the house with the boys by myself because the thought was overwhelming. What was WRONG with me? I'd made it through so many difficult things in my life, why couldn't I get through this?

After a terribly wrong diagnosis by a psychiatrist, I went through an ordeal I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies (well, maybe one or two, LOL.) I suffered severe side effects from the prescription medications he prescribed and then even worse withdrawal symptoms from those same medications. I was in the hospital several times. I was close to losing everything.

When I finally stopped ALL the medications and emerged from this "perfect storm," I was committed to being my own advocate, to becoming healthy in my mind, body and spirt, to not trusting every word someone said just because they had the initials M.D. behind their name, or they worked for a governmental agency that was supposedly established to protect U.S. citizens. And I began to dig and read, and read some more. And what I found was shocking.

Mainly, I found that staff of government agencies and private businesses were choosing to sacrifice the lives of adults AND children, the most vulnerable, for the sake of money in their pockets. (Boy, karma is going to be hell for those people.)

But I also found that I didn't have to do everything that those same government agencies recommend and I could make my own choices about my and my children's care. I found a community of people that believes in loving themselves and others and that believes that there IS peace in this world, despite what the media would have you believe. In this community, I have found a way to release all my anger and resentment and to radiate love wherever I go. As a result, I am attracting only people that are as loving or more loving than I am. The people who aren't...well, they've either left my life or have changed when they're around me.

So, when I sit down to sign releases for my son to get special education services, I'm thrilled, not only because he gets the help he needs, but because I am here to experience it.

Trying To Get Into My Child's Mind

2010-03-17T07:03:00.005-05:00

Since my oldest son, The Artist (going to call him this from now on in these posts), was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and dysgraphia, I catch myself looking at him and just wondering what is going on in that brain of his.

I've started reading Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin. Temple is an adult woman diagnosed with high-functioning autism as a child. In short, she says that she sees life in pictures, that her thoughts are like a running DVD of pictures. It has been very enlightening to try to put The Artist into her place. He definitely sees things in pictures, now that I know what that is.

He is currently reading and spelling and we are working on handwriting as well. So, one activity he does is sit down at the white-board on his exercise ball and I give him words to write. On his own, he came up with this followup. After writing the word (they are usually nouns), he draws a picture of the word. Sometimes he does it WordWorld (kids' TV show) style--making a picture out of the word itself. Imagine the word "bug" with antennae and a tail and you get the idea.

I started paying more attention to what he notices. His memory is excellent and I've realized that the things he remembers the best are ones that have strong visual cues. For instance, we went into an Austin art store a couple of years ago. It's a very neat store if you draw or paint. The store is right next to I-35 in Austin which is the main thoroughfare through Austin. Outside the store is a huge male figure that is their icon. Very noticeable. Well, he and I don't travel into Austin much together anymore (we live in a small town and tend to do most of our shopping and errands in the suburbs) but had occasion to do so a couple of weeks ago. As we passed the store (Jerry's Artarama for those of you in the Austin area), he said without hesitation, "There's the art store!" This is only one example, but I'm noticing it more and more.

What I'm trying to figure out is how to use this thought process to enable him to learn. We've been looking things up on the internet more so that he can see pictures of the topic we're discussing. But it is just an interesting process to try to put myself in his brain and figure out how he thinks. Books like Temple's make it an easier process. I have many of the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome and one of those is to think in very black-and-white terms. I have difficulty thinking broadly so this is a challenge for me.

Have you ever really tried to get inside someone else's body and think like they do? I think it's a common struggle with men and women because we think so differently, but I don't believe we go into a concerted effort to get inside their minds like I'm trying to with The Artist. I do think this is common for parents of special-needs kids, but probably in other situations I'm not thinking of as well. (I did say I think in black and white, remember?)

18 1/2 Ways to Confront Stress and Kick it to the Curb

2010-03-09T20:51:00.017-06:00

Someone recently asked me to write about ways to deal with stress. I hate the idea of "dealing with it" or "coping with it." Instead, we should confront it and do everything we can to get rid of it. Letting the stress build in our bodies is harmful. It disrupts the balance of energy, the natural homeostasis, that our body should be in. It decreases our body's ability to fight bacteria and viruses and it can actually lead to chronic illnesses. I firmly believe in the mind-body connection. For instance, if you have lower back pain, it's usually due to financial worries. Shoulder pain is emotional worry. Stomach issues can be tied to fear. And it increases from there. Women with breast cancer may have anger issues that they haven't released. If you want to research further, a great resource on mind-body connection is Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life.

So, now that we've decided to Kick the Stress to the Curb, how can we do it? Here is a great list, in no particular order, that you can choose from. I don't go into any one in particular detail here but am happy to in future posts or in comments; just let me know which one you want more information on.

Have an "Attitude of Gratitude"--Instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on what you're grateful for. Every night, just before you go to sleep, say thanks for the good things about your day. Every morning before you get out of bed, say thanks for good sleep, for a roof over your head, or whatever you are thankful for. Keep an "Attitude of Gratitude" journal and write it down.
Commit to time spent every day or every other day that is just about YOU. Start with 5 minutes if that's all you have. Here's a more detailed post on that: http://healingfrominsideout.blogspot.com/2010/02/how-do-you-take-care-of-you.html
Learn to meditate. Get a guided meditation CD if you need some direction.
Get one or more Reiki sessions. It balances the unbalanced energy in your body and will greatly reduce your stress. There is no risk involved.
Do yoga, whether at home with a DVD or with an instructor.
Wear the color green. It is a healing color.
Learn Qi Gong.
Get 7-8 hours of sleep EVERY night, no excuses.
Practice affirmations every day. "I am willing to forgive." "I have an abundance of everything good in my life." Write them down, record them and play them back, whatever works for you.
Get an Iphone App of daily affirmations if you have trouble coming up with your own.
Cry (yes, men too.) Crying really does make you feel better. You will be more relaxed after you cry. Bottling it up just makes you feel worse.
Just say "no". Simplify your life, let go of a commitment or two. It won't be the end of the world.
Eliminate high fructose corn syrup from your diet and refined sugars. They play havoc on your body and your emotions. Oh, caffeine too! :)
Get outdoors. Go for a hike, a run, a walk. Do some gardening. Get your fingers in the dirt. Reconnect with Mother Earth.
Spend time with a pet. Pets are known to lower stress levels.
Dance around your home. Dance as if no one is watching.
Hug someone you love.
Laugh--one man I've read about laughed himself to good health by watching old comedy shows after a diagnosis of a critical illness.

18 1/2. Forgive--yourself and others. (It's a half because I mentioned forgiveness in the affirmations, but I think it's so important, that I had to mention it again.)

This not an exhaustive list as the list could really be endless. What is most important is finding what works for you!! Try one (or more) of these and make it work for you. Or if you have an idea I haven't listed, please post it and share with others.

Tot Yoga Review

2010-03-02T12:38:00.008-06:00

I "met" the star of this DVD on a wonderful online mom entrepreneur group I am a part of. She was asking people to review her DVD Tot Yoga and said it was designed for parents and tots ages 10 months to 3 years. I LOVE yoga but have never been able to figure out to do much of it with my very active boys, especially the youngest who is 3. So, I volunteered to watch and review it. And today, I did just that.

It's broken up into 3 parts: 1) Child led 2)Parent-led and 3) Parent only

I have to say that my son really didn't get the hang of the first part but I know with time, it will get better. He did giggle a whole lot when we were both crawling around the floor. The second section was great though, with lots of wonderful animal poses to do--monkey, cat, rabbit, fish, dragonfly, etc. My son's favorite was the lion though because he got to roar! It's designed with the understanding that your child will participate some, go play, come back and participate some more. But you're on the floor with them, spending time with them, and teaching them how important it is to take care of their body. So, it's a wonderful thing to do together.

As the video suggests, I put my son down for his nap after the second section and returned to finish the Parent Only section. It really made me remember why I love yoga so much. I have said in the past and I will say again, yoga is like a really good drug, because it makes you feel SO good, but there is no downside. It's all good for you!

Yoga is a great way to relax the mind and the body and as you begin to learn more about yoga, it will also benefit you spiritually. If you're not familiar with yoga, that's OK, these are simple to follow poses and it won't be long before you're comfortable with it.

I will definitely play this DVD again and again for me and my son and if you are interested in buying it, you can go to www.totyoga.com or buy it from Amazon at http://bit.ly/6OMlGW

(I am not an affiliate for TotYoga, so I am not receiving any proceeds from the sale.)

Here is a YouTube video if you want to learn more:

Don't Compare Your Rotten Luck to Others' and Forgiving Exercise

2010-02-28T19:20:00.010-06:00

When complaining....oops, I mean lamenting about some situation I am having to deal with or listening to someone else lament, I often hear the statement "Others have it so much worse than I do. I know there are people out there whose situation is so much worse and I should be thankful I don't have to deal with..(insert terrible situation here.) So, I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself."

Yet, despite this knowledge that there is always someone who has it worse, what I try to tell myself and I definitely tell others is....it doesn't make your challenges any less challenging. It doesn't make those really bad days any better. And it's OK to give a nod to those challenging moments or days or even weeks or years. Don't feel guilty because you're struggling. In fact, you should let yourself grieve for that missed opportunity, for the loss of a loved one, for the neurotypical child you were "supposed" to get but didn't. And above all, forgive yourself and others. The longer you carry that anger, resentment, criticism, and guilt around, whether it be against yourself or others, the more it will manifest itself as negativity in your life.

That negativity can appear as sickness or an addiction in the body or mind; it can affect self-esteem, motivation, and energy level as well as relationships and career. A great exercise that I gleaned from Louise Hay is to make a list of the people (alive or not) you need to forgive or ask forgiveness of (make sure you are on the list), then sit quietly and imagine yourself in an empty theater. On stage, see one of the people on the list and forgive them for a specific event. Then release that event and ultimately that person. Make sure, like I said, that you include yourself on that list. More than anyone else, we tend to beat ourselves up. You may have multiple events for one person, just keep doing it until you've exhausted your list. This shouldn't take more than 30 minutes of your time but it is such a valuable exercise that it has the potential to change the rest of your life. Isn't that 30 minutes worth it?

When I did this exercise the first time, I thought for sure it would take longer than 30 minutes to forgive all the people I was angry at. I mean 39 years of living can rack up quite a list, but when I sat down and did it, I realized that it wasn't as long as I thought it would be and the person I had to forgive the most was me. I forgave myself for not really understanding what it meant when my dad died when I was 9 years old; this was guilt I had carried around for 30 years. Then I forgave my dad for not being a very good husband to my mom and for leaving me when I was too young to lose a dad. I forgave myself for not always being the "perfect" parent, for spending money when I shouldn't have, for not confronting issues and letting them fester inside me for years and for many other things. Wow, that was a lot to let go of and it felt GREAT when it was all gone!!

Over time, you may need to revisit and re-forgive some of the people on your list, and that's OK. The idea is to let it all go. When you release that negativity, you won't get as sick as often, you won't be so impatient or (insert your favorite negative emotion here), and you will be free to move on with your life. I also recommend certain therapies that can be complementary to this process...with Reiki being my favorite and meditation a close second, but yoga, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, and acupuncture are also very effective.

How do negative emotions manifest in your life?

If you do this exercise, I would love to hear about it and your results.

How Do You Take Care of You?

2010-02-25T21:05:00.005-06:00

I had lunch yesterday with a very dear friend who is going through some challenging times. Like too many other parents out there in today's world, she has a young child with Pervasive Development Disorder (an autism spectrum disorder.) In addition, her youngest child is having some health problems. She is a stay-at-home mother that does it all and is feeling the burden of doing it with very little support.

We sat at our round booth table (they are so great for feeling like you are alone and the rest of the world is not there) and talked about how hard it is to have a special needs' child. We seem to always catch each other when one of us is down and the other is up. This is a good thing since we would be no good to each other if we were both down. Yesterday, I was the one "up" and she was the one "down."

As we talked about trying to do it all, I asked her what she did for herself. Her response was "Do my volunteer work." In addition to having a special needs child and a demanding 3-year old, she does extensive volunteer work. But I asked her again, "What do you do for YOU? What do you do to get quiet, shut out the world, and just BE?" And she didn't have a response.

I have found that spending just a few minutes a week being quiet--not reading, not researching, not ~GASP~ searching the internet--can make all the difference with my mind, body and spirit. I choose to take those very precious moments and meditate. I found some good CDs that taught me how to meditate, how to open my mind, my crown chakra, and now I can do it without the CDs. And I can do it for 10-20 minutes just a couple of times a week, and feel great. You might choose to enjoy your quiet time first thing in the morning, just before you got to bed, outdoors or with your pet(s), but if you're not doing SOMETHING, then you need to.

I would love to hear what you're doing to take care of you. And if you're not, why not start now? You're the only you you've got.

My son is diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome

2010-02-14T15:07:00.007-06:00

Yes, that's right, last Monday I received the news that my 5 1/2 year old son's test results had been reviewed by the pediatric neurologist and that they were "consistent with Asperger's." We meet with the neurologist again on Monday, the 22nd to get his recommendations. So far with the Sensory Processing Disorder diagnosis, his recommendations have been for occupational therapy and supplements (CoQ10, B vitamins, and Omega-3s.) But I wonder what he will recommend now.

Some people consider Asperger's high-functioning autism and some people don't want it associated with autism at all. I'm not sure where I fall in this debate but having the diagnosis definitely makes me think about the ramifications of both.

I handled the news really well I think, although it took some time for it to really sink in. After completing the questionnaire, I suspected he would probably come back with the Asperger's diagnosis. But it's always difficult when you finally hear it. I went through the typical emotions of sadness, anger and grieving, but I quickly reached the point of "I am going to do everything I have to so that my son LOSES the diagnosis." And I know it's possible, because other people have been successful doing this with their kids who have Asperger's, autism, and SPD diagnoses.

Since we have been gluten-free for a couple of years now, I don't have the learning curve that many parents do when considering biomedical approaches to treating autism spectrum disorders. We do consume real milk rather than traditional store-bought milk and I need to do some research into whether it can be an issue like store-bought milk often is. My other son and I have been able to tolerate it well where we couldn't tolerate store-bought milk at all.

I think the part I personally struggle with the most is understanding the science behind all of these disorders (autism, ADHD, allergies and asthma). Biology and chemistry were never my strong suit but suddenly in addition to being a mother, I also need to be a scientist.

I will be doing tons of reading (as if that's anything new) and will especially be looking at herbal solutions as I think herbs are God's medicine. I hope you will join me on this journey and that you will share your stories of grieving, as well as of hope. We're all in this together.

Food and Memories

2010-02-10T13:09:00.004-06:00

In a previous post, I talked about how cooking was like love. Today, I want to talk about food and memories. As I cut open a grapefruit for part of my breakfast this morning, I took time to think about being a child and eating grapefruits at my grandparents' house. It took me back to that time and how my grandmother always prepared food with love, even if it was just cutting open a grapefruit and putting it on a plate.

Today for lunch, I prepared Spinach and Black Bean Burritos out of The Whole Foods Allergy Cookbook, by Cybele Pascal. Pulling the spinach out and tightly packing it reminded me of my aunt and uncle, the ones who introduced me to fresh spinach. As a young adult, the only spinach I had ever eaten was out of a can. (Can you say Blech! with me?) Needless to say, I was pretty skeptical to try it but pleasantly surprised when I actually liked it!

When my husband cooks a grass-fed steak, cuts slits in it for garlic, and then melts blue cheese on top, it reminds me of pre-kids time. When we were newly married, we were together in a great wine and cheese store in Austin, Texas and one of the staff recommended this way to cook steak and a great blue cheese. Wow, talk about awesome!

There are so many times when a particular food or restaurant evokes great memories. These memories are good for the mind, body and spirit. What foods bring about good memories for you?

Raw (or Not) Chocolate Pudding

2010-02-08T10:31:00.007-06:00

I got this recipe from www.allrecipes.com, modified it a tad, and my kids SUCKED it down. While one of my boys will eat avocado by itself, the other won't touch it, so this is a great way to get those good fats and vitamins into him. Avocado includes necessary minerals like potassium, calcium, vitamin C and K, folic acid, copper, sodium and dietary fibers. It is definitely a super-food. It is used both in prevention and treatment of prostate and breast cancers, and reduces the risk of cardiovascular diseases. Bananas are also considered a super-food. As most know, it is a rich source of potassium, but did you know that it also contains almost a 1/3 of the recommended daily allowance of B-6? It contains folate, vitamin-C and magnesium and almost 2 grams of fiber per serving.

I always recommend you purchase organic fruits and vegetables where available, but if they are not available, avocados (and bananas) are generally low in pesticides. Just make sure you wash the avocados with a vegetable/fruit wash or a mix of apple cider vinegar and water (ratio of 1:3) before using.

The recipe is designed to be raw but if you can't find all the ingredients in raw format, you can make substitutions. The raw cacao powder or nibs can be substituted with organic cocoa powder. If you don't have raw milk, please use an unsweetened milk of your choice, preferably organic and unpasteurized.

1 avocado--peeled, pitted and cubed

1 banana--peeled and cut into chunks

1 cup raw milk

1/4 cup raw cacao powder or nibs (if you like a little crunch, use the nibs)

2 tablespoons raw honey (or agave nectar)

1 tsp. lemon juice

1/4 c. shredded unsweetened coconut (optional)

Place all ingredients into a blender, cover and puree until smooth. Divide into individual containers, cover, refrigerate for an hour until set.

How Reiki Can Be Complementary Medicine

2010-01-26T21:11:00.006-06:00

I've often described Reiki (pronounced Ray-key) as alternative medicine, but in actuality it can be complementary to traditional allopathic/Western medicine.

Here are a few ways that Reiki can be complementary to Western medicine:

It can provide psychological help. For instance, residents in nursing homes report much more positive outlooks about their living situation after receiving Reiki sessions.
It can assist with radiation treatments. Patients receiving Reiki directly after their radiation treatments report feeling stronger and having more energy than when they don't receive the Reiki after the treatments. It can greatly improve the speed of healing and decrease or eliminate side effects.
Reiki also assists before and after surgery. Patients report little to no anxiety before going into surgery after receiving Reiki before their surgery. They report being calm. By receiving Reiki after surgery, expected complications are often completely eliminated and recovery time is vastly improved.

Reiki is a Japanese form of deep relaxation that also promotes healing. It is a form of energy healing that balances the energy in the body. What you say? Energy in the body? Quantum physicists confirm the presence of energy in the body. In addition, consider neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters allow electro-chemical communication between nerve cells. Nerve cells (called "neurons") do not actually touch each other. Instead they are in close proximity with a "gap" (synapse) between each nerve cell. The electrical signal is relayed from one neuron to the next by neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters released at the end of the one nerve cell float across the synapse where they bind to receptors on the next neuron in sequence, triggering an electrical impulse. Thus, there is energy in the body on a very basic level.

When the energy in the body becomes unbalanced, the body's response to invaders (viruses, cancerous cells, etc.) becomes impaired. By balancing the energy via Reiki, the body now has the ability to heal and to fight those invaders.

Recently, Dr. Mehmet Oz, named Reiki as his #1 recommended alternative therapy. I'd like to say that it should be your #1 complementary therapy as well.

Let me know what you think about Reiki. Have you heard of it? What questions do you have about it?

Cooking Is Like Love

2010-01-23T20:29:00.000-06:00

I love this quote by Harriet Van Horne: Cooking is like love, it should be entered into with abandon or not at all. Since my second son developed Multiple Food Protein Intolerance (similar to food allergies) shortly after birth, I became very knowledgeable about food and what we put into our bodies. I started reading ingredient lists from restaurants, labels on grocery store food, and questioning waiters at restaurants. What I discovered is that the only way to truly know what we are consuming is to make it myself using whole foods. If it's food, eat it. If it has words you can't pronounce or has been previously processed, is it really food that our body can use?

So, with abandon, I have cooked. I've cooked some really good things, and I've cooked some really bad things. But I just keep cooking. Every morning my youngest gets up and one of the first things out of his 3-year old mouth is, "Mommy, what'chu going to make today?" Sometimes it's just apples and pecans, sometimes it's gluten-free vanilla hazelnut pancakes. But always it's made with love.

It's my belief that cooking can heal you and your loved ones through the mind, body and spirit. Cooking is therapy for the mind--you can cry over a cup of hot tea, take out some anger by chopping veggies, create love through baking or cooking a special dinner. What happens when you are cooking something your mom, dad or grandparents made, especially if you are using their recipe? It provides comfort and peace, which calms your mind and thus your body.

Cooking heals your body by nourishing it with what it needs and giving it energy. Eating whole foods can cure cancer, asthma, diabetes, high blood pressure, eczema, allergies and many other maladies. I recently watched a movie called Simply Raw where 6 people with diabetes went on a completely raw foods, vegan (no meat or dairy) diet and within one week, all but one were completely off ALL of their medications, including their insulin. This is the power of healthy food.

Cooking is spiritual in many ways. When you're preparing food for yourself, friends or family, your love is absorbed by the food. When together you enjoy the food you've prepared, you're creating a memory or a set of memories and long after the food is gone, that energy and those memories stick with you and them. And isn't it a spiritual experience when you bite into that piece of chocolate? Come on, you know it is!!

How does cooking heal you? Do you cook? If not, why not?

Which Wolf Do You Feed?

2010-01-12T12:39:00.000-06:00

I took some time off from most social media to do some soul searching about what direction I was headed in professionally. In the last few weeks, I've come back to my Twitter account (HealingInside) and am posting more there and am working on my Facebook Fan page and a web site. But I wasn't sure where to start with my blog again. Until today, when a friend sent me an e-mail with the following story:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is evil--It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is Good--It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "Whichever one you feed."

This has described the battle I've had not only in the last few months but in the last few years. And the wolf I've now chosen to feed is Good. I can honestly say that in the past, that was not the case. I fed and fed the Evil wolf until he almost consumed ME. But I've stopped feeding him and I'm coming alive again.

What about you? Which wolf do you feed?

Being Your Own Advocate

2009-08-26T22:03:00.000-05:00

As for the psychiatrist, I think he was overworked. He was one of the few psychiatrists in the city that still accepted insurance so I'm sure people were knocking down his door. I do think he was knowledgeable about his field. But in retrospect, do I think he was really getting to know his patients in order to provide a proper diagnosis? Absolutely not.

One of the diagnoses he gave me was for a mental illness that is usually initially diagnosed to someone in their teens!! Not in their late 30s.

Was he really listening when I would call his office regarding the side effects of the medications he had given me? Absolutely not.

So my advice to all of you, if you have any doubts about your doctor or the medication he/she has prescribed, you must trust your intuition and judgement. You are the ONLY person who will look after you. You are the only advocate you have. And this applies if you are a parent as well. You are the only advocate your child has. Do what is best for you/them no matter the cost.

Since the incident that year, I have become even more focused on health, both mine and my boys'. I have tried various diets (not for weight loss, for health) and have learned something from each of them. Most recently, I have begun using and selling Pure Herbs products. They are mostly liquid herbs that I take or give to my boys for various reasons, just about any health issue you can imagine. They have improved our health considerably in a very short amount of time. I'm learning to use them to build our immune systems, get rid of viruses (pretty important now that school is starting) before they can really kick in, and clear our digestive system. I have also been the recipient of one Reiki treatment and experienced a noticeable change in my health after receiving it. So much so that I am going to be trained to provide it as well. I will explain more about Reiki in another post.

After quitting the psychotropic medications, I did take an anti-depressant medication for a short time. I also began using bio-identical hormones as my estrogen and progesterone levels were "off." However, just in the last month or two, since cutting out all processed foods, soy, sugar, grains, and most carbs, beginning the use of the herbs, and receiving the Reiki treatment, I have been able to discontinue the use of the prescription anti-depressant and the hormones. My energy levels are out of this world, I no longer require 9+ hours of sleep each night, I have regained "most" of my patience (hey, I do still have a 2-year old!), and I'm feeling much more like the "me" I was several years ago.

Don't be intimidated by all the changes I have made. This has been a true journey for me and my children. I have had to make changes in our lives one small step at a time. Has it been difficult? You had better believe it. Do people close to me roll their eyes because they think I am just "out there" and that I'm harming my children by cheating them out of Twinkies and Cheetos? Yes, they do. But I have seen the health changes in me and my children. I know what a difference it will make in our health in the long run.

My children and I will have a marked decrease in our chances for diabetes and cancer, our allergies, once severe, will be gone, and barring any accidents, we will likely live longer than most people around us. So if being my own advocate means I get to be around to enjoy my children (and hopefully grandchildren) for a long, long time, then the challenges are worth it to me.

What about you? I would love to hear how you have advocated for yourself or your children. Please share a story for me and the others out there. Every story has the potential to change a life.

Lowest of the Low, Part II

2009-08-19T21:45:00.000-05:00

So, it was going to take a couple of weeks to completely wean off the medication that the psychiatrist had prescribed and at first, I didn't experience any withdrawals. However, once the dosage became significantly smaller and my brain started reacting to the lower amount, everything changed. And that was it, this drug was a mind/brain altering drug and a heavy duty one at that. Every night for close to two hours, I would curl up on the couch in a fetal position with a veritable mountain of blankets piled on top of me and shiver uncontrollably. It felt like the flu every night except, thank goodness, it wasn't contagious. My mother wanted to take me to the emergency room the first time she watched me go through it. But I knew there was nothing they could do. I had to suffer through it.

The worst part was that the anxiety continued even though the dosage was decreased. As a result, I was still taking the anxiety medication on an almost daily basis. If I didn't, I was pacing the floors non-stop and couldn't interact with my children. So, I took it. And I was still taking the very-well-known sleep medication so that I would get more than a few hours sleep. At some point, the desperation set in. My mind was a mess. What was wrong with me? I had been through much worse it seemed--I had suffered the death of my father at a young age, along with abuse as a teen, and a traumatic c-section and I always bounced back. Why wasn't I bouncing back?

I was despondent, desperate, and feeling extremely guilty for all the time my mother and mother-in-law were having to spend with me and the boys. My mother-in-law accused me at one point of just making it all up. My mother began to say that she just couldn't come down anymore (she lived about an hour away). I was disrupting their lives and they, like me, were starting to feel that there was no end in sight. I was scared to death that it would never change, I would be this way forever.

And so it happened, truly The Lowest of the Low, I hit bottom. I told my mother-in-law that I needed to go to the local psychiatric hospital. I cried the whole way there. I didn't want to go, but I didn't know what else to do.

I told the doctor who did my intake that I "just wanted to feel better." I can still remember sitting in that cold chair across from him with my head hung low, not wanting him to admit me but at the same time terrified that he wouldn't. Surprisingly, he did admit me. (I say surprising because I wasn't having serious suicidal or homicidal ideations which are usually the requirements.)

So, I suffered through the embarrassment of a strip search (not invasive, but very uncomfortable nonetheless) and walked through those doors that were clanged shut and locked behind me. There was nothing happy about this place as you can imagine.

I met with the on-call psychiatrist and he proceeded to tell me that it was not possible to have withdrawals from the drug I was taking. I very nearly laughed at him. My husband called the original psychiatrist but he didn't return his call for two days. What a compassionate doctor, huh? I cried every time my husband came to see me. I didn't want him to see me there but he was my lifeline.

For the first time through this ordeal, I was prescribed an anti-depressant. I made the acquaintance of a woman around my age who was there because she had aborted a multiples pregnancy after having spent years going through fertility treatments to try to get pregnant. I stayed at the hospital for 3 days and was released.

About two weeks after coming home, I woke up one morning with terrible indigestion and stomach upset. This went on for weeks, I would wake up early, early in the morning upset to my stomach. I tried eating more, I tried eating less. I prayed a lot. I thought it must have been the result of the anti-depressant so I quit taking it. I then decided to look up the side effects of the anxiety medicine I was still taking. Not only was severe reflux and nausea on the list, but many, many others. The other major drawback? Because it was a drug that impacted my central nervous system, it was highly addictive. So, quitting it was akin to quitting a highly addictive illegal drug. But I was SURE that the reflux was caused by the anxiety medication. Fortunately, I was able to wean off of it with not as many troubles.

UN-fortunately, my reflux continued. I went to see a family physician who told me that severe reflux could be a problem related to the brain, so I underwent a CAT scan. It was a nerve-wracking week before I received those results and of course, they came back negative. I knew in my heart that the reflux was medication related. The only medication I was still taking though was the very-commonly-prescribed sleep medication and surely it wasn't that. The family physician finally sent me to a GI doctor who told me that I needed to have a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy. Yeah, NOT.

Just a couple of days before I was scheduled to have the colonoscopy, I looked up the side effects of the sleep medication. I was blown away. It had as many side effects if not more than the anxiety medication. I stopped taking it and started a supplement which included Valerian Root. Two days after I quit taking the prescription sleep medication, I woke up with NO pain, no reflux and I had slept better than I had in a very long time. And I CANCELLED the colonoscopy. Things were looking up!

Please feel free to comment. It took a lot for me to put this in writing as only a handful of people know what happened and I would rather forget about this time in my life. But I know now that God sent me down this difficult path for a reason and that He wants me to share it in order to help other people.

Up next, my thoughts on the original psychiatrist, his diagnoses, and a bit of my and my boys' lives since the hell finally ended.

Lowest of the low, part I

2009-08-18T22:01:00.000-05:00

Due to the stresses of my youngest son's health issues and the extended lack of sleep that they caused, a major move (from Omaha, NE back to the Austin, TX area), my failure (as it appeared to me) to nurse as long as I had hoped, and some additional extended family stress, I began to suffer from major depression and severe insomnia. Upon the recommendation of a trusted counselor, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. After reviewing my paperwork and interviewing me for a lengthy 15 minutes, he diagnosed me with some pretty serious mental health disorders. And prescribed some pretty serious medications to treat them. I was pretty desperate at that time and wanted more than anything to be a better mom, a better wife and most of all, a better me.

So, I took them. Shortly after I started taking them, I started having major panic attacks, a couple that sent me to the emergency room. I'd never had panic attacks before and let me tell you, I know why that name is ascribed to them. Even though I'd never had them, the psychiatrist told me that I was having breakthrough symptoms and he continued to increase my dosage, as well as prescribe anxiety medication. And the panic attacks continued. It was so bad I was scared to leave the house or even be at home alone with my boys. My husband, mother-in-law and mother were lifesavers during that time, as well as a Stephen's Minister that was truly devoted to me.

The turning point: I am fortunate to be very good friends with a person who works with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and she said to me one day, "Julie, if you didn't have this kind of anxiety before, then it HAS to be the medicine causing it. You are your only and best advocate."

So, I called the psychiatrist and said I wanted to get off the medication. It was around this time that he started taking longer and longer to return my phone calls and I rarely, if ever, actually spoke to him. It was usually one of his office staff. He prescribed a plan for weaning off the medicine and explained that I could potentially have withdrawals from the medication. I thought NOTHING could be worse than the panic attacks, but boy was I wrong.

A New Journey

2009-08-11T14:51:00.000-05:00

I'm finally home. Yes, that's right, HOME! More on that later. :)

Five years ago, I started a journey--a journey into motherhood. When my first son was born and around the age of 2 weeks, started crying non-stop, had painful gas, wanted to nurse non-stop, would only sleep in his car seat or on me, would wake up the instant you laid him down, and often would only calm to the sound of the vacuum cleaner, my brand-new mother's intuition told me something was wrong. But the highly-recommended pediatrician and her staff told me it was "colic" and I just had to deal with it. So, I did, but let me tell you it was not easy. I spent many a night/early morning walking him up and down the sidewalk in his stroller to try to get him to stop crying, driving around at 3 a.m. with the radio tuned to static or driving and cursing the stop lights or drivers in front of me because if we stopped the vehicle, he started crying. As long as he was moving, he was happy. The incessant crying finally stopped around 4 months of age but sleep was an issue for him for quite a while and well, let's just say there are still issues we're dealing with. "Everyone" told us that colic only happens in one out of 4 kids so when we decided to try for another, we were confident that it wouldn't happen to us again.

Can you guess? Yes, not only did it happen again, it was WORSE, much worse when my 2nd son was born 2 1/2 years after the first. However, this time we had a pediatrician that said, "If Mom is calling this much, tell her to bring him in." He diagnosed him with Milk and Soy Protein Intolerance (MSPI) and GERD (severe reflux) and told me that if I wanted to continue to nurse, I would have to eliminate every single trace of milk and soy from my diet. So, I did, but it wasn't enough. He was intolerant of much more than just dairy and soy and was eventually diagnosed with Multiple Food Protein Intolerances (MFPI). After several months of misery for my son and me, I finally made the very difficult decision to try hypo-allergenic formula. We tried three high-dollar formulas before finding one he could tolerate.

By this time, I had been reading mountains of information about diet and what a difference it can make in your health. One turning point came when I read the book Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies: The Groundbreaking Program for the 4-A Disorders by Kenneth Bock and Cameron Stauth. It really opened my eyes to a biomedical approach to living. Based upon what I'd read, I very quickly began a strict gluten- and dairy-free diet and put my oldest son on the diet as well. Gluten includes wheat, barley and rye. After just a few months on the diet, I was able to completely eliminate the daily asthma medication I had been taking for 15 years. I credit the diet with eliminating my son's hypercalciuria condition affecting his kidneys. He also was on prescription medication and was able to stop it after being on the diet for several months. He no longer has any trouble with his kidneys. My youngest son, now 2 1/2 years old, still cannot tolerate pasteurized/homogenized dairy, wheat gluten and various other foods.

What about you? Why do you eat the way you do? Have there been any major events that have changed your health or has it been a gradual change?

I will continue in the next few posts to detail my journey home and I hope that you will join me for the ride.

Julie