Don't Compare Your Rotten Luck to Others' and Forgiving Exercise

When complaining....oops, I mean lamenting about some situation I am having to deal with or listening to someone else lament, I often hear the statement "Others have it so much worse than I do. I know there are people out there whose situation is so much worse and I should be thankful I don't have to deal with..(insert terrible situation here.) So, I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself."

Yet, despite this knowledge that there is always someone who has it worse, what I try to tell myself and I definitely tell others is....it doesn't make your challenges any less challenging. It doesn't make those really bad days any better. And it's OK to give a nod to those challenging moments or days or even weeks or years. Don't feel guilty because you're struggling. In fact, you should let yourself grieve for that missed opportunity, for the loss of a loved one, for the neurotypical child you were "supposed" to get but didn't. And above all, forgive yourself and others. The longer you carry that anger, resentment, criticism, and guilt around, whether it be against yourself or others, the more it will manifest itself as negativity in your life.

That negativity can appear as sickness or an addiction in the body or mind; it can affect self-esteem, motivation, and energy level as well as relationships and career. A great exercise that I gleaned from Louise Hay is to make a list of the people (alive or not) you need to forgive or ask forgiveness of (make sure you are on the list), then sit quietly and imagine yourself in an empty theater. On stage, see one of the people on the list and forgive them for a specific event. Then release that event and ultimately that person. Make sure, like I said, that you include yourself on that list. More than anyone else, we tend to beat ourselves up. You may have multiple events for one person, just keep doing it until you've exhausted your list. This shouldn't take more than 30 minutes of your time but it is such a valuable exercise that it has the potential to change the rest of your life. Isn't that 30 minutes worth it?

When I did this exercise the first time, I thought for sure it would take longer than 30 minutes to forgive all the people I was angry at. I mean 39 years of living can rack up quite a list, but when I sat down and did it, I realized that it wasn't as long as I thought it would be and the person I had to forgive the most was me. I forgave myself for not really understanding what it meant when my dad died when I was 9 years old; this was guilt I had carried around for 30 years. Then I forgave my dad for not being a very good husband to my mom and for leaving me when I was too young to lose a dad. I forgave myself for not always being the "perfect" parent, for spending money when I shouldn't have, for not confronting issues and letting them fester inside me for years and for many other things. Wow, that was a lot to let go of and it felt GREAT when it was all gone!!

Over time, you may need to revisit and re-forgive some of the people on your list, and that's OK. The idea is to let it all go. When you release that negativity, you won't get as sick as often, you won't be so impatient or (insert your favorite negative emotion here), and you will be free to move on with your life. I also recommend certain therapies that can be complementary to this process...with Reiki being my favorite and meditation a close second, but yoga, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, and acupuncture are also very effective.

How do negative emotions manifest in your life?

If you do this exercise, I would love to hear about it and your results.

How Do You Take Care of You?

I had lunch yesterday with a very dear friend who is going through some challenging times. Like too many other parents out there in today's world, she has a young child with Pervasive Development Disorder (an autism spectrum disorder.) In addition, her youngest child is having some health problems. She is a stay-at-home mother that does it all and is feeling the burden of doing it with very little support.

We sat at our round booth table (they are so great for feeling like you are alone and the rest of the world is not there) and talked about how hard it is to have a special needs' child. We seem to always catch each other when one of us is down and the other is up. This is a good thing since we would be no good to each other if we were both down. Yesterday, I was the one "up" and she was the one "down."

As we talked about trying to do it all, I asked her what she did for herself. Her response was "Do my volunteer work." In addition to having a special needs child and a demanding 3-year old, she does extensive volunteer work. But I asked her again, "What do you do for YOU? What do you do to get quiet, shut out the world, and just BE?" And she didn't have a response.

I have found that spending just a few minutes a week being quiet--not reading, not researching, not ~GASP~ searching the internet--can make all the difference with my mind, body and spirit. I choose to take those very precious moments and meditate. I found some good CDs that taught me how to meditate, how to open my mind, my crown chakra, and now I can do it without the CDs. And I can do it for 10-20 minutes just a couple of times a week, and feel great. You might choose to enjoy your quiet time first thing in the morning, just before you got to bed, outdoors or with your pet(s), but if you're not doing SOMETHING, then you need to.

I would love to hear what you're doing to take care of you. And if you're not, why not start now? You're the only you you've got.

My son is diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome

Yes, that's right, last Monday I received the news that my 5 1/2 year old son's test results had been reviewed by the pediatric neurologist and that they were "consistent with Asperger's." We meet with the neurologist again on Monday, the 22nd to get his recommendations. So far with the Sensory Processing Disorder diagnosis, his recommendations have been for occupational therapy and supplements (CoQ10, B vitamins, and Omega-3s.) But I wonder what he will recommend now.

Some people consider Asperger's high-functioning autism and some people don't want it associated with autism at all. I'm not sure where I fall in this debate but having the diagnosis definitely makes me think about the ramifications of both.

I handled the news really well I think, although it took some time for it to really sink in. After completing the questionnaire, I suspected he would probably come back with the Asperger's diagnosis. But it's always difficult when you finally hear it. I went through the typical emotions of sadness, anger and grieving, but I quickly reached the point of "I am going to do everything I have to so that my son LOSES the diagnosis." And I know it's possible, because other people have been successful doing this with their kids who have Asperger's, autism, and SPD diagnoses.

Since we have been gluten-free for a couple of years now, I don't have the learning curve that many parents do when considering biomedical approaches to treating autism spectrum disorders. We do consume real milk rather than traditional store-bought milk and I need to do some research into whether it can be an issue like store-bought milk often is. My other son and I have been able to tolerate it well where we couldn't tolerate store-bought milk at all.

I think the part I personally struggle with the most is understanding the science behind all of these disorders (autism, ADHD, allergies and asthma). Biology and chemistry were never my strong suit but suddenly in addition to being a mother, I also need to be a scientist.

I will be doing tons of reading (as if that's anything new) and will especially be looking at herbal solutions as I think herbs are God's medicine. I hope you will join me on this journey and that you will share your stories of grieving, as well as of hope. We're all in this together.

Food and Memories

In a previous post, I talked about how cooking was like love. Today, I want to talk about food and memories. As I cut open a grapefruit for part of my breakfast this morning, I took time to think about being a child and eating grapefruits at my grandparents' house. It took me back to that time and how my grandmother always prepared food with love, even if it was just cutting open a grapefruit and putting it on a plate.

Today for lunch, I prepared Spinach and Black Bean Burritos out of The Whole Foods Allergy Cookbook, by Cybele Pascal. Pulling the spinach out and tightly packing it reminded me of my aunt and uncle, the ones who introduced me to fresh spinach. As a young adult, the only spinach I had ever eaten was out of a can. (Can you say Blech! with me?) Needless to say, I was pretty skeptical to try it but pleasantly surprised when I actually liked it!

When my husband cooks a grass-fed steak, cuts slits in it for garlic, and then melts blue cheese on top, it reminds me of pre-kids time. When we were newly married, we were together in a great wine and cheese store in Austin, Texas and one of the staff recommended this way to cook steak and a great blue cheese. Wow, talk about awesome!

There are so many times when a particular food or restaurant evokes great memories. These memories are good for the mind, body and spirit. What foods bring about good memories for you?

Raw (or Not) Chocolate Pudding

I got this recipe from www.allrecipes.com, modified it a tad, and my kids SUCKED it down. While one of my boys will eat avocado by itself, the other won't touch it, so this is a great way to get those good fats and vitamins into him. Avocado includes necessary minerals like potassium, calcium, vitamin C and K, folic acid, copper, sodium and dietary fibers. It is definitely a super-food. It is used both in prevention and treatment of prostate and breast cancers, and reduces the risk of cardiovascular diseases. Bananas are also considered a super-food. As most know, it is a rich source of potassium, but did you know that it also contains almost a 1/3 of the recommended daily allowance of B-6? It contains folate, vitamin-C and magnesium and almost 2 grams of fiber per serving.

I always recommend you purchase organic fruits and vegetables where available, but if they are not available, avocados (and bananas) are generally low in pesticides. Just make sure you wash the avocados with a vegetable/fruit wash or a mix of apple cider vinegar and water (ratio of 1:3) before using.

The recipe is designed to be raw but if you can't find all the ingredients in raw format, you can make substitutions. The raw cacao powder or nibs can be substituted with organic cocoa powder. If you don't have raw milk, please use an unsweetened milk of your choice, preferably organic and unpasteurized.

1 avocado--peeled, pitted and cubed

1 banana--peeled and cut into chunks

1 cup raw milk

1/4 cup raw cacao powder or nibs (if you like a little crunch, use the nibs)

2 tablespoons raw honey (or agave nectar)

1 tsp. lemon juice

1/4 c. shredded unsweetened coconut (optional)

Place all ingredients into a blender, cover and puree until smooth. Divide into individual containers, cover, refrigerate for an hour until set.