Don't Compare Your Rotten Luck to Others' and Forgiving Exercise

When complaining....oops, I mean lamenting about some situation I am having to deal with or listening to someone else lament, I often hear the statement "Others have it so much worse than I do. I know there are people out there whose situation is so much worse and I should be thankful I don't have to deal with..(insert terrible situation here.) So, I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself."

Yet, despite this knowledge that there is always someone who has it worse, what I try to tell myself and I definitely tell others is....it doesn't make your challenges any less challenging. It doesn't make those really bad days any better. And it's OK to give a nod to those challenging moments or days or even weeks or years. Don't feel guilty because you're struggling. In fact, you should let yourself grieve for that missed opportunity, for the loss of a loved one, for the neurotypical child you were "supposed" to get but didn't. And above all, forgive yourself and others. The longer you carry that anger, resentment, criticism, and guilt around, whether it be against yourself or others, the more it will manifest itself as negativity in your life.

That negativity can appear as sickness or an addiction in the body or mind; it can affect self-esteem, motivation, and energy level as well as relationships and career. A great exercise that I gleaned from Louise Hay is to make a list of the people (alive or not) you need to forgive or ask forgiveness of (make sure you are on the list), then sit quietly and imagine yourself in an empty theater. On stage, see one of the people on the list and forgive them for a specific event. Then release that event and ultimately that person. Make sure, like I said, that you include yourself on that list. More than anyone else, we tend to beat ourselves up. You may have multiple events for one person, just keep doing it until you've exhausted your list. This shouldn't take more than 30 minutes of your time but it is such a valuable exercise that it has the potential to change the rest of your life. Isn't that 30 minutes worth it?

When I did this exercise the first time, I thought for sure it would take longer than 30 minutes to forgive all the people I was angry at. I mean 39 years of living can rack up quite a list, but when I sat down and did it, I realized that it wasn't as long as I thought it would be and the person I had to forgive the most was me. I forgave myself for not really understanding what it meant when my dad died when I was 9 years old; this was guilt I had carried around for 30 years. Then I forgave my dad for not being a very good husband to my mom and for leaving me when I was too young to lose a dad. I forgave myself for not always being the "perfect" parent, for spending money when I shouldn't have, for not confronting issues and letting them fester inside me for years and for many other things. Wow, that was a lot to let go of and it felt GREAT when it was all gone!!

Over time, you may need to revisit and re-forgive some of the people on your list, and that's OK. The idea is to let it all go. When you release that negativity, you won't get as sick as often, you won't be so impatient or (insert your favorite negative emotion here), and you will be free to move on with your life. I also recommend certain therapies that can be complementary to this process...with Reiki being my favorite and meditation a close second, but yoga, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, and acupuncture are also very effective.

How do negative emotions manifest in your life?

If you do this exercise, I would love to hear about it and your results.