Lowest of the low, part I

Due to the stresses of my youngest son's health issues and the extended lack of sleep that they caused, a major move (from Omaha, NE back to the Austin, TX area), my failure (as it appeared to me) to nurse as long as I had hoped, and some additional extended family stress, I began to suffer from major depression and severe insomnia. Upon the recommendation of a trusted counselor, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. After reviewing my paperwork and interviewing me for a lengthy 15 minutes, he diagnosed me with some pretty serious mental health disorders. And prescribed some pretty serious medications to treat them. I was pretty desperate at that time and wanted more than anything to be a better mom, a better wife and most of all, a better me.

So, I took them. Shortly after I started taking them, I started having major panic attacks, a couple that sent me to the emergency room. I'd never had panic attacks before and let me tell you, I know why that name is ascribed to them. Even though I'd never had them, the psychiatrist told me that I was having breakthrough symptoms and he continued to increase my dosage, as well as prescribe anxiety medication. And the panic attacks continued. It was so bad I was scared to leave the house or even be at home alone with my boys. My husband, mother-in-law and mother were lifesavers during that time, as well as a Stephen's Minister that was truly devoted to me.

The turning point: I am fortunate to be very good friends with a person who works with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and she said to me one day, "Julie, if you didn't have this kind of anxiety before, then it HAS to be the medicine causing it. You are your only and best advocate."

So, I called the psychiatrist and said I wanted to get off the medication. It was around this time that he started taking longer and longer to return my phone calls and I rarely, if ever, actually spoke to him. It was usually one of his office staff. He prescribed a plan for weaning off the medicine and explained that I could potentially have withdrawals from the medication. I thought NOTHING could be worse than the panic attacks, but boy was I wrong.