Sometimes You Gotta Be Like the Vulture (Glide with Vision)

Last week, my sons and I arrived home from an errand and I happened to look up in the sky and observed a small bird dive-bombing a vulture. Over and over again, this small bird would peck at this vulture's back, chasing it farther and farther away. The vulture just glided beautifully like vultures do (hey, what they eat may be gross, but they are beautiful in the air) and slowly flew away.

At first I thought of myself as the small bird and I likened my children's special needs to the vulture--this really large problem that I have to dive-bomb over and over again and it only glides away but sometimes returns. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am more like the vulture. I'm on a life-path and sometimes, I go through a part of life where I get dive-bombed by a little bird (my children's challenges or my own health for example) and the best way to solve that problem is to soar, glide, and use my incredible vision to discover a new way to get to where I'm going.

And that's what life is. We're all seeking something, whether it be our next meal like the vulture, the truth, solutions for our children's challenges, happiness, security, etc. And we get dive-bombed along the way, but when that happens, take a minute to picture yourself as a beautiful bird soaring in the sunlit sky, using the superb vision that birds have, and finding a new path to what you seek. As long as you do this, you WILL be a success!

My name is Julie and I'm a Dr. Pepper-aholic

Many years ago when I was a teenager, I remember a great aunt sticking her fingers in her ears and me asking what she was doing. It turns out she was doing self-acupuncture. Acupuncture can be used to help with addictions and the points for smoking are in your ears. Acupuncturists will put small needles in your ears and then you turn them on your own. And it worked for her, she's never smoked again and she's in her 80s now.

Since going "crunchy" as an old friend once described me, I have given up many foods I used to love, the most impactful and also the toughest being wheat. But I saw such a dramatic change in my health, that I just haven't gone back. My asthma went away almost entirely and my allergies, once very severe, dwindled to mild. I've given up traditional meats, only buying grass-fed or pastured. Most of the fruits and vegetables I eat are fresh and organic. I rarely eat anything out of a can.

But I have one food item I haven't been able to give up entirely no matter how many times I have tried. And that is a soda common in Texas called Dr. Pepper. It truly is an addiction for me. I KNOW how bad high-fructose corn-syrup and caffeine are. I know that when I don't drink it, I lose weight, my moods don't swing, and my allergies are decreased. When I do drink it, I am setting a bad example for my kids. But I know that when I'm stressed, that's what I want. I know that when I need a comfort food, that's what I want. When I get on the road (which is often since I live in a rural community), I want one.

I've been drinking it since my former stepfather came into my life when I was 9 and he drank it. 31 years I've been drinking it. So, I recently contacted a hypnotherapist recommended by a good friend. She said, "Maybe it's filling a need for something sweet in your life, or maybe it replaces something you needed back when you started drinking it." Hmmm, interesting concepts.

You know, I felt pretty silly contacting a hypnotherapist about a soda addiction. But it's no different than any other addiction. I can't stop even though I want to. No matter how long I go without it, if I drink just one, I start drinking them regularly again. If I get stressed out, I want one. Is this any different than cigarettes, alcohol or drugs? No, it's not.

What about you? Do you have a food addiction? Or maybe some other addiction? Have any tips for me? I'd love to hear them!

Excited about Special Education services?

As I sit and sign the paperwork to get The Artist into Special Education services at school, I'm actually excited. That sounds weird....Who in their right mind wants their child in Special Ed.? I know it means help for him though. We are fortunate to be in a school district and school that truly cares about the individual needs of the students. I know in my heart as I sit here that my son is going to be a success in life. I know that I've done and will do everything in my power to give him all the opportunities he needs to succeed.

Just 3 years ago, I wasn't even sure I would be able to continue to raise him. The depression I suffered was so severe that I was having suicidal thoughts and thoughts (only thoughts, never acted on) of hurting my children. You may be thinking to yourself that you could never think that and I hope you're right, but I never in my worst nightmares imagined I would have those thoughts either. Or maybe you've been there like me and you know exactly what I'm talking about. I never, never had any intentions behind those thoughts, they just kept popping into my head. I think my brain was under so much stress that it was just trying to cope.

My depression was a culmination of many things. First and foremost was my un-resolved anger towards my mom. Strangely, growing up and as a young adult, I was never resentful of my mom. In fact, we were always close. But somewhere over the years, I began to resent her for my belief that she didn't protect me from abuse. I'm not sure when it started, but it built and built and it finally crescendoed and I was on the verge of losing my whole extended family or so I perceived. Along with that, I was suffering from post-partum depression, the sheer agony of having to give up breast feeding after only 4 months, a at-the-time undiagnosed 3 year old with Asperger's Syndrome and sensory issues, an infant with food issues so severe that a miniscule amount of offending food would set us down a path of pain and suffering, a move from one state to another, and probably many other minor things I'm not thinking of.

The depression was so dark, it really left me feeling hopeless. I remember rocking Mr. Gusto (my youngest son) as an infant, in his dark bedroom, crying and crying. I couldn't go out of the house with the boys by myself because the thought was overwhelming. What was WRONG with me? I'd made it through so many difficult things in my life, why couldn't I get through this?

After a terribly wrong diagnosis by a psychiatrist, I went through an ordeal I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies (well, maybe one or two, LOL.) I suffered severe side effects from the prescription medications he prescribed and then even worse withdrawal symptoms from those same medications. I was in the hospital several times. I was close to losing everything.

When I finally stopped ALL the medications and emerged from this "perfect storm," I was committed to being my own advocate, to becoming healthy in my mind, body and spirt, to not trusting every word someone said just because they had the initials M.D. behind their name, or they worked for a governmental agency that was supposedly established to protect U.S. citizens. And I began to dig and read, and read some more. And what I found was shocking.

Mainly, I found that staff of government agencies and private businesses were choosing to sacrifice the lives of adults AND children, the most vulnerable, for the sake of money in their pockets. (Boy, karma is going to be hell for those people.)

But I also found that I didn't have to do everything that those same government agencies recommend and I could make my own choices about my and my children's care. I found a community of people that believes in loving themselves and others and that believes that there IS peace in this world, despite what the media would have you believe. In this community, I have found a way to release all my anger and resentment and to radiate love wherever I go. As a result, I am attracting only people that are as loving or more loving than I am. The people who aren't...well, they've either left my life or have changed when they're around me.

So, when I sit down to sign releases for my son to get special education services, I'm thrilled, not only because he gets the help he needs, but because I am here to experience it.

Trying To Get Into My Child's Mind

Since my oldest son, The Artist (going to call him this from now on in these posts), was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and dysgraphia, I catch myself looking at him and just wondering what is going on in that brain of his.

I've started reading Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin. Temple is an adult woman diagnosed with high-functioning autism as a child. In short, she says that she sees life in pictures, that her thoughts are like a running DVD of pictures. It has been very enlightening to try to put The Artist into her place. He definitely sees things in pictures, now that I know what that is.

He is currently reading and spelling and we are working on handwriting as well. So, one activity he does is sit down at the white-board on his exercise ball and I give him words to write. On his own, he came up with this followup. After writing the word (they are usually nouns), he draws a picture of the word. Sometimes he does it WordWorld (kids' TV show) style--making a picture out of the word itself. Imagine the word "bug" with antennae and a tail and you get the idea.

I started paying more attention to what he notices. His memory is excellent and I've realized that the things he remembers the best are ones that have strong visual cues. For instance, we went into an Austin art store a couple of years ago. It's a very neat store if you draw or paint. The store is right next to I-35 in Austin which is the main thoroughfare through Austin. Outside the store is a huge male figure that is their icon. Very noticeable. Well, he and I don't travel into Austin much together anymore (we live in a small town and tend to do most of our shopping and errands in the suburbs) but had occasion to do so a couple of weeks ago. As we passed the store (Jerry's Artarama for those of you in the Austin area), he said without hesitation, "There's the art store!" This is only one example, but I'm noticing it more and more.

What I'm trying to figure out is how to use this thought process to enable him to learn. We've been looking things up on the internet more so that he can see pictures of the topic we're discussing. But it is just an interesting process to try to put myself in his brain and figure out how he thinks. Books like Temple's make it an easier process. I have many of the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome and one of those is to think in very black-and-white terms. I have difficulty thinking broadly so this is a challenge for me.

Have you ever really tried to get inside someone else's body and think like they do? I think it's a common struggle with men and women because we think so differently, but I don't believe we go into a concerted effort to get inside their minds like I'm trying to with The Artist. I do think this is common for parents of special-needs kids, but probably in other situations I'm not thinking of as well. (I did say I think in black and white, remember?)

18 1/2 Ways to Confront Stress and Kick it to the Curb

Someone recently asked me to write about ways to deal with stress. I hate the idea of "dealing with it" or "coping with it." Instead, we should confront it and do everything we can to get rid of it. Letting the stress build in our bodies is harmful. It disrupts the balance of energy, the natural homeostasis, that our body should be in. It decreases our body's ability to fight bacteria and viruses and it can actually lead to chronic illnesses. I firmly believe in the mind-body connection. For instance, if you have lower back pain, it's usually due to financial worries. Shoulder pain is emotional worry. Stomach issues can be tied to fear. And it increases from there. Women with breast cancer may have anger issues that they haven't released. If you want to research further, a great resource on mind-body connection is Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life.

So, now that we've decided to Kick the Stress to the Curb, how can we do it? Here is a great list, in no particular order, that you can choose from. I don't go into any one in particular detail here but am happy to in future posts or in comments; just let me know which one you want more information on.

1. Have an "Attitude of Gratitude"--Instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on what you're grateful for. Every night, just before you go to sleep, say thanks for the good things about your day. Every morning before you get out of bed, say thanks for good sleep, for a roof over your head, or whatever you are thankful for. Keep an "Attitude of Gratitude" journal and write it down.
2. Commit to time spent every day or every other day that is just about YOU. Start with 5 minutes if that's all you have. Here's a more detailed post on that: http://healingfrominsideout.blogspot.com/2010/02/how-do-you-take-care-of-you.html
3. Learn to meditate. Get a guided meditation CD if you need some direction.
4. Get one or more Reiki sessions. It balances the unbalanced energy in your body and will greatly reduce your stress. There is no risk involved.
5. Do yoga, whether at home with a DVD or with an instructor.
6. Wear the color green. It is a healing color.
7. Learn Qi Gong.
8. Get 7-8 hours of sleep EVERY night, no excuses.
9. Practice affirmations every day. "I am willing to forgive." "I have an abundance of everything good in my life." Write them down, record them and play them back, whatever works for you.
10. Get an Iphone App of daily affirmations if you have trouble coming up with your own.
11. Cry (yes, men too.) Crying really does make you feel better. You will be more relaxed after you cry. Bottling it up just makes you feel worse.
12. Just say "no". Simplify your life, let go of a commitment or two. It won't be the end of the world.
13. Eliminate high fructose corn syrup from your diet and refined sugars. They play havoc on your body and your emotions. Oh, caffeine too! :)
14. Get outdoors. Go for a hike, a run, a walk. Do some gardening. Get your fingers in the dirt. Reconnect with Mother Earth.
15. Spend time with a pet. Pets are known to lower stress levels.
16. Dance around your home. Dance as if no one is watching.
17. Hug someone you love.
18. Laugh--one man I've read about laughed himself to good health by watching old comedy shows after a diagnosis of a critical illness.

18 1/2. Forgive--yourself and others. (It's a half because I mentioned forgiveness in the affirmations, but I think it's so important, that I had to mention it again.)

This not an exhaustive list as the list could really be endless. What is most important is finding what works for you!! Try one (or more) of these and make it work for you. Or if you have an idea I haven't listed, please post it and share with others.

Tot Yoga Review

I "met" the star of this DVD on a wonderful online mom entrepreneur group I am a part of. She was asking people to review her DVD Tot Yoga and said it was designed for parents and tots ages 10 months to 3 years. I LOVE yoga but have never been able to figure out to do much of it with my very active boys, especially the youngest who is 3. So, I volunteered to watch and review it. And today, I did just that.

It's broken up into 3 parts: 1) Child led 2)Parent-led and 3) Parent only

I have to say that my son really didn't get the hang of the first part but I know with time, it will get better. He did giggle a whole lot when we were both crawling around the floor. The second section was great though, with lots of wonderful animal poses to do--monkey, cat, rabbit, fish, dragonfly, etc. My son's favorite was the lion though because he got to roar! It's designed with the understanding that your child will participate some, go play, come back and participate some more. But you're on the floor with them, spending time with them, and teaching them how important it is to take care of their body. So, it's a wonderful thing to do together.

As the video suggests, I put my son down for his nap after the second section and returned to finish the Parent Only section. It really made me remember why I love yoga so much. I have said in the past and I will say again, yoga is like a really good drug, because it makes you feel SO good, but there is no downside. It's all good for you!

Yoga is a great way to relax the mind and the body and as you begin to learn more about yoga, it will also benefit you spiritually. If you're not familiar with yoga, that's OK, these are simple to follow poses and it won't be long before you're comfortable with it.

I will definitely play this DVD again and again for me and my son and if you are interested in buying it, you can go to www.totyoga.com or buy it from Amazon at http://bit.ly/6OMlGW

(I am not an affiliate for TotYoga, so I am not receiving any proceeds from the sale.)

Here is a YouTube video if you want to learn more:

Don't Compare Your Rotten Luck to Others' and Forgiving Exercise

When complaining....oops, I mean lamenting about some situation I am having to deal with or listening to someone else lament, I often hear the statement "Others have it so much worse than I do. I know there are people out there whose situation is so much worse and I should be thankful I don't have to deal with..(insert terrible situation here.) So, I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself."

Yet, despite this knowledge that there is always someone who has it worse, what I try to tell myself and I definitely tell others is....it doesn't make your challenges any less challenging. It doesn't make those really bad days any better. And it's OK to give a nod to those challenging moments or days or even weeks or years. Don't feel guilty because you're struggling. In fact, you should let yourself grieve for that missed opportunity, for the loss of a loved one, for the neurotypical child you were "supposed" to get but didn't. And above all, forgive yourself and others. The longer you carry that anger, resentment, criticism, and guilt around, whether it be against yourself or others, the more it will manifest itself as negativity in your life.

That negativity can appear as sickness or an addiction in the body or mind; it can affect self-esteem, motivation, and energy level as well as relationships and career. A great exercise that I gleaned from Louise Hay is to make a list of the people (alive or not) you need to forgive or ask forgiveness of (make sure you are on the list), then sit quietly and imagine yourself in an empty theater. On stage, see one of the people on the list and forgive them for a specific event. Then release that event and ultimately that person. Make sure, like I said, that you include yourself on that list. More than anyone else, we tend to beat ourselves up. You may have multiple events for one person, just keep doing it until you've exhausted your list. This shouldn't take more than 30 minutes of your time but it is such a valuable exercise that it has the potential to change the rest of your life. Isn't that 30 minutes worth it?

When I did this exercise the first time, I thought for sure it would take longer than 30 minutes to forgive all the people I was angry at. I mean 39 years of living can rack up quite a list, but when I sat down and did it, I realized that it wasn't as long as I thought it would be and the person I had to forgive the most was me. I forgave myself for not really understanding what it meant when my dad died when I was 9 years old; this was guilt I had carried around for 30 years. Then I forgave my dad for not being a very good husband to my mom and for leaving me when I was too young to lose a dad. I forgave myself for not always being the "perfect" parent, for spending money when I shouldn't have, for not confronting issues and letting them fester inside me for years and for many other things. Wow, that was a lot to let go of and it felt GREAT when it was all gone!!

Over time, you may need to revisit and re-forgive some of the people on your list, and that's OK. The idea is to let it all go. When you release that negativity, you won't get as sick as often, you won't be so impatient or (insert your favorite negative emotion here), and you will be free to move on with your life. I also recommend certain therapies that can be complementary to this process...with Reiki being my favorite and meditation a close second, but yoga, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, and acupuncture are also very effective.

How do negative emotions manifest in your life?

If you do this exercise, I would love to hear about it and your results.