Trying To Get Into My Child's Mind

Since my oldest son, The Artist (going to call him this from now on in these posts), was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and dysgraphia, I catch myself looking at him and just wondering what is going on in that brain of his.

I've started reading Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin. Temple is an adult woman diagnosed with high-functioning autism as a child. In short, she says that she sees life in pictures, that her thoughts are like a running DVD of pictures. It has been very enlightening to try to put The Artist into her place. He definitely sees things in pictures, now that I know what that is.

He is currently reading and spelling and we are working on handwriting as well. So, one activity he does is sit down at the white-board on his exercise ball and I give him words to write. On his own, he came up with this followup. After writing the word (they are usually nouns), he draws a picture of the word. Sometimes he does it WordWorld (kids' TV show) style--making a picture out of the word itself. Imagine the word "bug" with antennae and a tail and you get the idea.

I started paying more attention to what he notices. His memory is excellent and I've realized that the things he remembers the best are ones that have strong visual cues. For instance, we went into an Austin art store a couple of years ago. It's a very neat store if you draw or paint. The store is right next to I-35 in Austin which is the main thoroughfare through Austin. Outside the store is a huge male figure that is their icon. Very noticeable. Well, he and I don't travel into Austin much together anymore (we live in a small town and tend to do most of our shopping and errands in the suburbs) but had occasion to do so a couple of weeks ago. As we passed the store (Jerry's Artarama for those of you in the Austin area), he said without hesitation, "There's the art store!" This is only one example, but I'm noticing it more and more.

What I'm trying to figure out is how to use this thought process to enable him to learn. We've been looking things up on the internet more so that he can see pictures of the topic we're discussing. But it is just an interesting process to try to put myself in his brain and figure out how he thinks. Books like Temple's make it an easier process. I have many of the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome and one of those is to think in very black-and-white terms. I have difficulty thinking broadly so this is a challenge for me.

Have you ever really tried to get inside someone else's body and think like they do? I think it's a common struggle with men and women because we think so differently, but I don't believe we go into a concerted effort to get inside their minds like I'm trying to with The Artist. I do think this is common for parents of special-needs kids, but probably in other situations I'm not thinking of as well. (I did say I think in black and white, remember?)

18 1/2 Ways to Confront Stress and Kick it to the Curb

Someone recently asked me to write about ways to deal with stress. I hate the idea of "dealing with it" or "coping with it." Instead, we should confront it and do everything we can to get rid of it. Letting the stress build in our bodies is harmful. It disrupts the balance of energy, the natural homeostasis, that our body should be in. It decreases our body's ability to fight bacteria and viruses and it can actually lead to chronic illnesses. I firmly believe in the mind-body connection. For instance, if you have lower back pain, it's usually due to financial worries. Shoulder pain is emotional worry. Stomach issues can be tied to fear. And it increases from there. Women with breast cancer may have anger issues that they haven't released. If you want to research further, a great resource on mind-body connection is Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life.

So, now that we've decided to Kick the Stress to the Curb, how can we do it? Here is a great list, in no particular order, that you can choose from. I don't go into any one in particular detail here but am happy to in future posts or in comments; just let me know which one you want more information on.

1. Have an "Attitude of Gratitude"--Instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on what you're grateful for. Every night, just before you go to sleep, say thanks for the good things about your day. Every morning before you get out of bed, say thanks for good sleep, for a roof over your head, or whatever you are thankful for. Keep an "Attitude of Gratitude" journal and write it down.
2. Commit to time spent every day or every other day that is just about YOU. Start with 5 minutes if that's all you have. Here's a more detailed post on that: http://healingfrominsideout.blogspot.com/2010/02/how-do-you-take-care-of-you.html
3. Learn to meditate. Get a guided meditation CD if you need some direction.
4. Get one or more Reiki sessions. It balances the unbalanced energy in your body and will greatly reduce your stress. There is no risk involved.
5. Do yoga, whether at home with a DVD or with an instructor.
6. Wear the color green. It is a healing color.
7. Learn Qi Gong.
8. Get 7-8 hours of sleep EVERY night, no excuses.
9. Practice affirmations every day. "I am willing to forgive." "I have an abundance of everything good in my life." Write them down, record them and play them back, whatever works for you.
10. Get an Iphone App of daily affirmations if you have trouble coming up with your own.
11. Cry (yes, men too.) Crying really does make you feel better. You will be more relaxed after you cry. Bottling it up just makes you feel worse.
12. Just say "no". Simplify your life, let go of a commitment or two. It won't be the end of the world.
13. Eliminate high fructose corn syrup from your diet and refined sugars. They play havoc on your body and your emotions. Oh, caffeine too! :)
14. Get outdoors. Go for a hike, a run, a walk. Do some gardening. Get your fingers in the dirt. Reconnect with Mother Earth.
15. Spend time with a pet. Pets are known to lower stress levels.
16. Dance around your home. Dance as if no one is watching.
17. Hug someone you love.
18. Laugh--one man I've read about laughed himself to good health by watching old comedy shows after a diagnosis of a critical illness.

18 1/2. Forgive--yourself and others. (It's a half because I mentioned forgiveness in the affirmations, but I think it's so important, that I had to mention it again.)

This not an exhaustive list as the list could really be endless. What is most important is finding what works for you!! Try one (or more) of these and make it work for you. Or if you have an idea I haven't listed, please post it and share with others.

Tot Yoga Review

I "met" the star of this DVD on a wonderful online mom entrepreneur group I am a part of. She was asking people to review her DVD Tot Yoga and said it was designed for parents and tots ages 10 months to 3 years. I LOVE yoga but have never been able to figure out to do much of it with my very active boys, especially the youngest who is 3. So, I volunteered to watch and review it. And today, I did just that.

It's broken up into 3 parts: 1) Child led 2)Parent-led and 3) Parent only

I have to say that my son really didn't get the hang of the first part but I know with time, it will get better. He did giggle a whole lot when we were both crawling around the floor. The second section was great though, with lots of wonderful animal poses to do--monkey, cat, rabbit, fish, dragonfly, etc. My son's favorite was the lion though because he got to roar! It's designed with the understanding that your child will participate some, go play, come back and participate some more. But you're on the floor with them, spending time with them, and teaching them how important it is to take care of their body. So, it's a wonderful thing to do together.

As the video suggests, I put my son down for his nap after the second section and returned to finish the Parent Only section. It really made me remember why I love yoga so much. I have said in the past and I will say again, yoga is like a really good drug, because it makes you feel SO good, but there is no downside. It's all good for you!

Yoga is a great way to relax the mind and the body and as you begin to learn more about yoga, it will also benefit you spiritually. If you're not familiar with yoga, that's OK, these are simple to follow poses and it won't be long before you're comfortable with it.

I will definitely play this DVD again and again for me and my son and if you are interested in buying it, you can go to www.totyoga.com or buy it from Amazon at http://bit.ly/6OMlGW

(I am not an affiliate for TotYoga, so I am not receiving any proceeds from the sale.)

Here is a YouTube video if you want to learn more:

Don't Compare Your Rotten Luck to Others' and Forgiving Exercise

When complaining....oops, I mean lamenting about some situation I am having to deal with or listening to someone else lament, I often hear the statement "Others have it so much worse than I do. I know there are people out there whose situation is so much worse and I should be thankful I don't have to deal with..(insert terrible situation here.) So, I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself."

Yet, despite this knowledge that there is always someone who has it worse, what I try to tell myself and I definitely tell others is....it doesn't make your challenges any less challenging. It doesn't make those really bad days any better. And it's OK to give a nod to those challenging moments or days or even weeks or years. Don't feel guilty because you're struggling. In fact, you should let yourself grieve for that missed opportunity, for the loss of a loved one, for the neurotypical child you were "supposed" to get but didn't. And above all, forgive yourself and others. The longer you carry that anger, resentment, criticism, and guilt around, whether it be against yourself or others, the more it will manifest itself as negativity in your life.

That negativity can appear as sickness or an addiction in the body or mind; it can affect self-esteem, motivation, and energy level as well as relationships and career. A great exercise that I gleaned from Louise Hay is to make a list of the people (alive or not) you need to forgive or ask forgiveness of (make sure you are on the list), then sit quietly and imagine yourself in an empty theater. On stage, see one of the people on the list and forgive them for a specific event. Then release that event and ultimately that person. Make sure, like I said, that you include yourself on that list. More than anyone else, we tend to beat ourselves up. You may have multiple events for one person, just keep doing it until you've exhausted your list. This shouldn't take more than 30 minutes of your time but it is such a valuable exercise that it has the potential to change the rest of your life. Isn't that 30 minutes worth it?

When I did this exercise the first time, I thought for sure it would take longer than 30 minutes to forgive all the people I was angry at. I mean 39 years of living can rack up quite a list, but when I sat down and did it, I realized that it wasn't as long as I thought it would be and the person I had to forgive the most was me. I forgave myself for not really understanding what it meant when my dad died when I was 9 years old; this was guilt I had carried around for 30 years. Then I forgave my dad for not being a very good husband to my mom and for leaving me when I was too young to lose a dad. I forgave myself for not always being the "perfect" parent, for spending money when I shouldn't have, for not confronting issues and letting them fester inside me for years and for many other things. Wow, that was a lot to let go of and it felt GREAT when it was all gone!!

Over time, you may need to revisit and re-forgive some of the people on your list, and that's OK. The idea is to let it all go. When you release that negativity, you won't get as sick as often, you won't be so impatient or (insert your favorite negative emotion here), and you will be free to move on with your life. I also recommend certain therapies that can be complementary to this process...with Reiki being my favorite and meditation a close second, but yoga, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, and acupuncture are also very effective.

How do negative emotions manifest in your life?

If you do this exercise, I would love to hear about it and your results.

How Do You Take Care of You?

I had lunch yesterday with a very dear friend who is going through some challenging times. Like too many other parents out there in today's world, she has a young child with Pervasive Development Disorder (an autism spectrum disorder.) In addition, her youngest child is having some health problems. She is a stay-at-home mother that does it all and is feeling the burden of doing it with very little support.

We sat at our round booth table (they are so great for feeling like you are alone and the rest of the world is not there) and talked about how hard it is to have a special needs' child. We seem to always catch each other when one of us is down and the other is up. This is a good thing since we would be no good to each other if we were both down. Yesterday, I was the one "up" and she was the one "down."

As we talked about trying to do it all, I asked her what she did for herself. Her response was "Do my volunteer work." In addition to having a special needs child and a demanding 3-year old, she does extensive volunteer work. But I asked her again, "What do you do for YOU? What do you do to get quiet, shut out the world, and just BE?" And she didn't have a response.

I have found that spending just a few minutes a week being quiet--not reading, not researching, not ~GASP~ searching the internet--can make all the difference with my mind, body and spirit. I choose to take those very precious moments and meditate. I found some good CDs that taught me how to meditate, how to open my mind, my crown chakra, and now I can do it without the CDs. And I can do it for 10-20 minutes just a couple of times a week, and feel great. You might choose to enjoy your quiet time first thing in the morning, just before you got to bed, outdoors or with your pet(s), but if you're not doing SOMETHING, then you need to.

I would love to hear what you're doing to take care of you. And if you're not, why not start now? You're the only you you've got.

My son is diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome

Yes, that's right, last Monday I received the news that my 5 1/2 year old son's test results had been reviewed by the pediatric neurologist and that they were "consistent with Asperger's." We meet with the neurologist again on Monday, the 22nd to get his recommendations. So far with the Sensory Processing Disorder diagnosis, his recommendations have been for occupational therapy and supplements (CoQ10, B vitamins, and Omega-3s.) But I wonder what he will recommend now.

Some people consider Asperger's high-functioning autism and some people don't want it associated with autism at all. I'm not sure where I fall in this debate but having the diagnosis definitely makes me think about the ramifications of both.

I handled the news really well I think, although it took some time for it to really sink in. After completing the questionnaire, I suspected he would probably come back with the Asperger's diagnosis. But it's always difficult when you finally hear it. I went through the typical emotions of sadness, anger and grieving, but I quickly reached the point of "I am going to do everything I have to so that my son LOSES the diagnosis." And I know it's possible, because other people have been successful doing this with their kids who have Asperger's, autism, and SPD diagnoses.

Since we have been gluten-free for a couple of years now, I don't have the learning curve that many parents do when considering biomedical approaches to treating autism spectrum disorders. We do consume real milk rather than traditional store-bought milk and I need to do some research into whether it can be an issue like store-bought milk often is. My other son and I have been able to tolerate it well where we couldn't tolerate store-bought milk at all.

I think the part I personally struggle with the most is understanding the science behind all of these disorders (autism, ADHD, allergies and asthma). Biology and chemistry were never my strong suit but suddenly in addition to being a mother, I also need to be a scientist.

I will be doing tons of reading (as if that's anything new) and will especially be looking at herbal solutions as I think herbs are God's medicine. I hope you will join me on this journey and that you will share your stories of grieving, as well as of hope. We're all in this together.

Food and Memories

In a previous post, I talked about how cooking was like love. Today, I want to talk about food and memories. As I cut open a grapefruit for part of my breakfast this morning, I took time to think about being a child and eating grapefruits at my grandparents' house. It took me back to that time and how my grandmother always prepared food with love, even if it was just cutting open a grapefruit and putting it on a plate.

Today for lunch, I prepared Spinach and Black Bean Burritos out of The Whole Foods Allergy Cookbook, by Cybele Pascal. Pulling the spinach out and tightly packing it reminded me of my aunt and uncle, the ones who introduced me to fresh spinach. As a young adult, the only spinach I had ever eaten was out of a can. (Can you say Blech! with me?) Needless to say, I was pretty skeptical to try it but pleasantly surprised when I actually liked it!

When my husband cooks a grass-fed steak, cuts slits in it for garlic, and then melts blue cheese on top, it reminds me of pre-kids time. When we were newly married, we were together in a great wine and cheese store in Austin, Texas and one of the staff recommended this way to cook steak and a great blue cheese. Wow, talk about awesome!

There are so many times when a particular food or restaurant evokes great memories. These memories are good for the mind, body and spirit. What foods bring about good memories for you?